replace material with spiritual

renee, you  blessed me so much with your message. connie was right to encourage you to share ti. and it was so nice to hear your voice. this morning i was coming to my own realizations about my life circumstance. i told my therapist that i am thinking of my life in a whole new paradym. ive been thinking if only i cold restore everything the way it was id get better. in my case, i thought getting new floors from flood damage and repairing all the stuff around here from 3 years of not being able to work. just when i got some extra cash thinking id fix up, my income was reduced even more from lack of child support. thats just the recent events. bottomline its been 2 years of failed attempts to restore this house. its seems that at the same time you were, i was also realizing maybe i just need to let go of my house. even with child support its 2/3 of my income. when my son turns 18 most of my income will be gone. so far i havent missed any house notes. i began objectively accepting worse case scenarios. decided to do what i can to keep phone/dsl, if anything goes first let it be electectircty. we have had plenty experience without power. got lanterns/coolers last summer when cut off over week. like you said, my pride had me worrying about what people even church folk would say to my lights out. but god knows ive done my best with what i have. i doubt many could live a week the way we have. but you said what most important, our spirit, our loved ones. my son told me he didnt care about keeping the house for his sake. he and i have been living in my bedroom since my illness anyway. so that means we only use about 200sf out of 2000. im hoping my son will attend college stay on campus. all i need is an efficency. he can sleep on the end of the bed or the floor to visit.  i already have mini fridge/ microwave upstairs. since i began thinking like this and shut out the rest of the house and its problems, i have felt relieved. all year ive been wanting someone to come help me organize my stuff. now im like thinki ng of just keeping my pictures and keepsakes, and leaving everything else behind me. i havent made any decisions, or taken any actions, but just mentally letting go of the material things ive been trying to maintain or replace has been like a burden lifted. i actually opened my utilty bill, read $456 sat it down and went to bed last night. just last month, i would have went into anxiety attack and worry mode. not sleepping, barely eating until id made myself even sicker. hearing your testimony of letting go, really confirmed my faith and strenghthen my new attitude about whats important. instead of shame over idea of losing my possessions, you expressed so well that i should feel stronger as i replace material with spiritual. god bless