So what , im cray, i cost no one

I told myself that if my peculiar activities w re crazy, then that's okay. Nothing I do cost anyone else, or does anyone harm; in fact, my fastidiousness, compulsions, obsession have led to providing roof over...sheltering too many parasites.
.../...
The only complaints come from the parasites and slackers that have taken advantage of ,my fastidiousness...

My delusions of grandeur have been selfless belief that I could "love mine enemies" by giving to them unmerited favor..a true christian
Hence my foolish fervent dedication to assisting my estranged sister.

So I allowed myself my convuluted steps, idiosyncratic logic to fit the surreal parallel universe interpreted or maybe misinterpreted by my brain. It doesn't matter if its psychological, emotional, neurological, or physiological. Its the reality im forced to live in. So I try to stop feeling guilty for indulging in my OCD schemes. I give in occasionally to relieving my compulsions. For they harm no one.

My latest epiphany...harness my manias into something productive. Translate my compulsions and obsessions into a craft, maybe even a career. My mind constantly races with ideas. I feel constant compulsion to document my every thought. I am obsessed with keeping notes and lists. Im also obsessed with facts...a maniacal thirst for knowledge. The discovery of wikipedia and invention of google has ...nourished my addiction. But whom im I really hurting. Should I be embarrassed if you happen to have to listen to my detailed ramblings on historical minuteua, scientific facts or movie trivia. (Im not discussing aliens or the fbi dental implants.) the anwer...blogging. The avenue to park my thoughts. The familiar electronic format , database structures are perfect interface for overcoming my neuropsychiatric deficits to not only record thoughts but sort them. Categories tagged/time stamped. Furthermore they provide opportunity to create legitimate content for web development..no one but me seems to remember my thousands invested in web development courses. I began privately blogging as a personal release for my own thoughts and obsessions...movies/politics. The blog also lend itself to collecting useful information, i transferred my lupus information to blogspot. Simultaneously, I began taking advantage of online support with participation on a few social networking sites. It wasn't long before I began analyzing the technical structure of the blogging and networking sites. Initially simpy enjoying the ability to customized the available templates. I began to explore the source code for more advanced customizations. Now im even studying developer tools and open source code. I decided to get involved in lupus/ii awareness by getting myspace/facebook friends...my adhd/ocd...actually led me to current projects, developing blog widgets...creating my own awareness forum based on the ardent cerebrations concept. Now I have something i m avid about to hold my attention for implimenting web development skills as well as creating my own support system...now I making my manic processes purposeful. Collecting content for my blogs... I can put information from roaming for hours to use as content for...a release for my pedantic tendencies can be appreciated or ignored by online readers.