Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Tuna & Milk Don't Mix

Warning: graphic descriptions!

After replying to concerned facebook friend that I was feeling very well. Uncharacteristically well. The bliss I'd achieved over my sunny relatively pain free Sunday ended abruptly by midnight. A series of innocent events initiated a path to misery. I decided I was feeling lucid enough to prepare quick "tuna mac" in microwave. I successfully read and understood directions, remembered to turn off space heater. Forgetting would have meant lights out! I would have to grope in the darkness down the stairs and into the cold night air to reach the outdoor storage room feel for the circuit breaker to flip the switch. I returned to my laptop and prop of bed pillows. await the 7 minutes timer for the noodles to cook.

There's the familiar heavy lightness in my head. My eyelids flip and squint uncontrollably a few seconds as a vision of my son standing over me takes focus. He's asking whether I’m still making the tuna mac. I soon realize that I had lost some time to one of my "spells." My son assumes I've been nodding. He had avoided coming in my room because he was apprehensive about disturbing a rare nap. But as he examines my blank expression he catches my fixed gaze directly into his eyes. He realizes. He softly lays his hand on one of my paralyzed limbs. The gentle stimulus is enough to awaken my neuronal activity. I twitch all over as if shivering from a sudden icy breeze. This time he asks if I want him to complete the meal. I blink my eyes exactly one time and project my thumb up for the affirmative signal. I continue to concentrate to escape my altered state of consciousness. My body began to respond slowly to my mind. Obstructed by my heavy twitching blinking eyelids, with all my will, I focus. My brain slowly executes my thoughts. With great effort I see my arm rising in slow motion to bring my hand into view...

After laying immobile, mute, and hungry, I mouth a request for my nutritional drink to relieve my growling stomach. My son served me a bowl of the unseasoned tuna mac prepared with the recovered soggy noodles. It was pretty awful but I managed to eat most of it, just so I could take my medications. Unsatisfied, but being the end of the month, having nothing left in our pantry but a little cereal, I decided to fill up with Crystal Light and save the cereal for tomorrow's breakfast. Still feeling balloon headed I turned back to my position propped upon the bed pillows with my keyboard. The slight comfort of fullness became more of a bloated tightness. Slow vibrations accompanied by a wave of warmth ran across my body. It wasn't just my stomach growling, I felt the familiar cramp of a griping colon. After weeks of severe constipation I wasn't rushed. Perhaps this wasn't a false alarm, I'd been avoiding white bread and cheese, eating Fiber One bars and gingered green tea mornings and Ramen noodles for lunch, and hydrating myself with water and lemon, hot or iced in between. Oooooh no. Suddenly the mild cramp turned into a sharp constriction of my abdomen violently drawing my knees up to my vibrating belly. With my upper body bent over at 90 degrees I made my way to my bathroom just a few yards from the bed. The relief of a true movement of my bowels was soon betrayed by overwhelming nausea. Rapidly, thickening Saliva fills my mouth, my pajamas become sticky with perspiration, my head weighs heavier than I can hold. As my Vision becomes gray, I fight the inevitable fainting spell. Maintaining my sitting position on the toilet I lean over toward adjacent tub grabbing at the cold porcelain not wanting to hit the floor. I spat the warm thick phlegm hoping to hold back the contents of my stomach. I was praying for mercy against this unrestrained violent reaction of my entire gastrointestinal tract, praying that I would not be found by my son exposed and humiliated in a puddle of my own feces and vomit as I was by hospital orderlies in 2004 flare caused by pancreatitis. Like labor a series of uncontrollable relentless convulsions beginning deep in my bowels thrusting my whole body forward and projecting the contents of my gut up to my esophagus and out my mouth. The first thrust, mostly liquid with lemonade and meds seemed mild compared the second thrust of undigested tuna mac. I revisited that tuna mac two more times before dry heaving began. I held on to the comforting coldness of the side of porcelain tub too weak to move trying not to breath in the fumes. Eventually the blood that had rushed to my head found some equilibrium with the rest of my body. I managed to raise myself up again. I removed my robe fully dampened with perspiration, but remarkable only mildly soiled by a spot on the collar. After cleaning myself, I found the strength to make it back to my bed, but still shaking I decided to walk to my son's room realizing he wouldn't hear me over his heavy metal music.

I plopped myself on his twin bed and briefly explained I needed ice. This not being the first time, he knew to grab the "premade" ice pack from my upstairs freezer, I purchased for the purpose of having ice upstairs. As I decompressed from the stressful event a series of neurological events began, twitching, rolling seizures that settled down to a slightly catatonic state. I don't remember much more. I awoke hours later to the familiar clicking of my son's fingers on his keyboard and soft new age music instead of heavy metal. Still muted by aphasia only able to make slow movements, he read my desires from my eyes, acknowledged them with his own. With his assistance, I raised from the bed. Balancing my body with his steady arm, I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until we reached my bed. To my surprise he presented the robe I'd soiled. He’d laundered it clean and dry. I put it back on, falling asleep feeling wrapped in warmth and love.

Digital Scrapbooking: Therapy for Maniacal Insomnia

I have discovered a new hobby..digital scrapbooking. I've been wanting to scrapbook forever, but no funds. This digital online interface works well with my latest neurological deficits. You can mail camera phone shots directly to your photobucket albums. The Scrapblog application allows you to upload any image from your photobucket albums. After saving your scrapbook,it becomes a slide show in your photo bucket album. Each page of scrapbook becomes a JPEG file capable of being edited and shared independently. Fun program, but a memory hog. Its moves PAINFULLY slow on my old IBM T40 512RAM. And really it must have been designed for a 17 inch screen...I wasted hours trying to find the 'done' button which does not display under normal IE browser settings.To navigate program's full dashboard, I had to toggle the browser window zoom between 100% and 200%. There were a million other bugs that had to be overcome before successfully publishing the final product. I lost an entire page I painstakingly worked on because it would not save my edits. The results were so pleasing I will probably toture myself to create another scrapbook during my next maniacal insomniac episode.

No that's not a view through my window

Unless you count Windows XP...its my holiday screen saver! This is all I need to take down before New Year's Day

Luppie Brain Confession: Forgotten Gifts

I took great care shopping around the internet to decide on these two well wrapped gifts. I ordered them custom wrapped in November well ahead of Christmas! But that was November 2007. I hid them from myself, neglecting to deliver them for Christmas 2007! Well undiscovered until Spring 2008, I decided to just wait for Christmas 2008. Hopefully they'll be just as appreciated this year, and that last years ommision has been forgiven and forgotten. I make my confession for the sake of fellow sufferers from luppie brain events!

My Christmas: Eat, Drink, Sleep & Be Merry

The best way to define the Christmas experience with my family is a time line of eating, drinking, and being merry. Sunday, December 21, Pop arrives at my house with a silver flask of Conquito just for me. He also brought some of thick slices of ham he baked himself ...with Dijon mustard. Monday, December 22, after shopping, Pop's insist I experience Sonic's Hazelnut Iced Coffee to go with our sandwiches. Tuesday, December 23, We make the two hour trip to my aunts. As soon as I arrive, I'm offered homemade egg nog which I put on hold to eat a light dinner first... green beans, macaroni and cheese and ham! Then she begins to reveal the contents of all the pretty Christmas tins decorating the counter and bar: *exquisite elegant dark chocolate covered Bourbon Balls she made herself *gold foiled wrapped Ferrero Rocher hazelnut candies *milk chocolate and white chocolate covered pretzels *sugar cookies Especially nice for me were all the treats reminiscent of my childhood: *pink, yellow, white and chocolate brown coconut hand-dipped Bon Bons *assorted old fashioned hard candies *peppermints *the classic assortment of nuts: pecans,walnuts,chestnuts, n!$$@ toes *oranges and apples While everyone else was out shopping til late, my aunt and I got comfortable in our PJs, enjoyed watching movie and talking while sipping her special recipe of tea flavored with orange cinniman, ginger and other spices with a touch dark Bacardi rum. I indulged in one Bourbon Ball before bed. Wednesday, December 24, Christmas Eve Morning, my aunt prepared the family for the day with Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Toast and her homemade Strawberry Butter. I never had anything like it. My cousin brought Bailey's Carmel to top off our coffee. This led to the first of my much needed deep naps. When I awoke everyone was out on errands, so I passed the time on the internet, sampling the Christmas treats and staying warm with more spiced tea After everyone came home for the night we ordered Pepperoni Pizzas, my health conscious cousin made a great salad with a variety of greens, sprinkled with almonds, mango flavored pineapple chips, and French dressing...washed down with a glass of White Zinfandel supplied by Pops. The children were allowed to open one gift apiece at midnight. We played a couple of rounds of their new games then hit the sack. Thursday, December 25, Christmas Day! Of course the children were knocking on doors getting everyone up Christmas morning. After the final exchanging of gifts, my Aunt prepared a grand Christmas brunch with Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Ham, Country Fried Potatoes, Fruit, and French Toast topped with Strawberries and Whipped Cream! The sheer number of calories ingested at once put me in a catatonic state. I fell asleep in the big chair while the kids tested out the Wii. I awoke from the nap induced by Christmas breakfast to the aroma of Christmas dinner. My cousin prepared the most tender juicy turkey I'd ever had. I believe the secret was a beer marinade. Of course this was accompanied by traditional cornbread dressing and giblet gravy and the marshmallow topped sweet potato casserole...and a glazed ham! There was lime gelatin salad...but I don't do green stuff. The highlight of my holiday feasting is my step dad's Hot Water Cornbread served with his turnips and greens. Recipes inherited from his mother. I like to wait by him at the stove to take mine straight out the popping hot grease of the skillet to my plate. This year I decided to be adventurous and try...'chitlins'. I put about a tablespoon on the corner of my plate with a whole lot of Louisiana hot sauce. I managed to chew and swallow the first bite but decided that the peculiar aftertaste that developed once the heat left was just not something I desired. I went back for more Hot Water Cornbread to sop up the pot liquor from the greens, then I found myself running out greens and turnips to go with the Hot Water Cornbread, so I'd get a little more of them. It was a never ending cycle into gluttony. I vaguely remember washing down the last plate with a glass of Beringers. I never made it to desert. No problem, my Aunt packed generous portions of Coconut Cake, Caramel Raisin Spice Cake, Butterscotch Cream Pie and Ambrosia to indulge once we got back home. Friday, December 26, In the morning before packing for trip home, we experienced a encore of Christmas Brunch. After another nap we headed down the interstate home. Suddenly, we're detouring down the highway and pulling up to a mom and pop store. My step dad wants us to try some of the Pork Pulled Meat Barbecue he was telling us about....and the Potato Salad! So that's my family's holiday story...eat, drink, sleep, eat some more and be merry!

An Appreciated Stocking Stuffer

Besides home repairs, Pops got my broken bifocals fixed up for Christmas!

New Improved Toilet Seat

Pops finished installing this cushioned toilet seat that replaced the old hard wooden one. With no room for chair, also provides a soft comfortable place to sit instead of standing in front of the bathroom mirror to groom at the vanity after my shower. Its the little everyday comforts that really improve the quality of our lives.

Time Wasted: A Precious Gift

My holiday weekend began with very little cheer. My son barely made it through exams Thursday with a terrible cold that developed into bronchitis by Friday. For the week, I'd brought a pain spell on myself by forgetting a morpheme patch change. Then there was IBS & UTI to add misery. As if that wasn't enough, toilet tissue was scarce. I'd made myself content with having no funds for Christmas gifts. I was going to be happy with just 'love'. Friday I discovered some mail from the bank that had been overlooked in the junk mail. Anxiety came over me when I saw 3 identical extremely thin envelopes from the bank amidst a pile of unsorted junk mail. I didn't want to destroy the content feelings I'd managed to find by examining the contents of the envelopes, but I did. Yes, I was overdrawn! Now I'm not just broke, I'm over $100 in the negative and dropping by $5 daily Its the weekend, too late to call. Doesn't matter, I only have $30 in rebate checks plus $7 in my purse. Not enough. I cried over it a minute then decided I couldn't do anything about it now so I would put it out of my mind until Monday when I could talked to bank. In the meantime, I would continue in the contentment I'd found before this unexpected crisis. I had no control over my fate with the bank for the moment. So while waiting for Monday, I'll balance my feelings of helplessness by taking charge of what I can control, by doing something productive and proactive. I'll lessen some of my negative feelings of anger and sadness by surrounding myself with things that bring gladness and cheer. So for the body, I made myself glass of homemade cranberry juice and a fiber bar. For the spirit I lit my scented candle and tuned into a Christmas movie. For the mind, I began working on my website design. I was up all night, but not for worrying about finances. I was up successfully finalizing the style of my websites. For the first time I'd been able to maintain focus and control my ADHD brain long enough to decipher all the code for the designs I desired to implement. Saturday afternoon, I was still working when the doorbell rang. It was my step dad! I'd totally forgotten about the possibility of his arrival for the weekend. Calling my disconnected ATT phone, he'd been unable to reach me so he just came on. It was a pleasant surprise, but my house was in chaos. God bless him, for not making me feel worse for not being prepared. Remember...I'm out of toilet paper... I had to send him right back out to get it! But never mind my lack of cheer, he brought all the Christmas cheer with him, beginning with a silver flask of Coquito ..... That's like a Puerta Rican egg nog. He gave me the greatest gift I've received in years. TIME. Over the past few years, with diminished body and mind, my greatest loss has been the attention of others. Unable to drive or be mobile in many ways I've felt left out the social loop. My contacts have been just curbside service for trips to the grocery, doctors or church. No one crosses my threshold to actually visit anymore. My identity has become lost in my illness. People do for me but not with me. But when my step dad came Saturday, he came to visit ME! Well, I'm blessed to have a father who actually shares many of the same interests, ie computers and the internet. We're willing to listen to each others techie talk. He let me show off all the web development accomplishments I'd been up all night working on.

Monday he accompanied me to the bank to discuss my error with the manager and get me out the red. Afterward, he spent the remainder of the day and all night on some much needed home repairs. All year I've been trying to find someone to do these simple repairs and assemble my bathroom spacesaver shelf, I purchased it for myself last Christmas, but my son was unsuccessful at assembly. I thought for lack of proper tools and experience. Turns out it was poorly fitted flimsy parts, yet my stepdad worked all night trying to make the best out them before deciding it was better to return the wobbly result. My point is not the shelf, but the patience, the time that my step dad gave in his efforts to give me my desire. That was the real gift. I will forever remember how we stayed up all night in the floor frustrated by that 'dat blamed' shelf. I will forever appreciate my step dad's willingness to waste his time...for ME.

Santa "St. Nick" Claus and the 3 Magi: Why We Give

Fortunately, I discovered the real Santa Claus as a young child. Prior to kindergarten I read my Childcraft Encyclopedia. My favorite volume, was dedicated to explaining holiday culture around the world. Even then my favorite holiday was Christmas. I learned about many different customs different from my own. Most important, I learned about St. Nick the real Santa Claus. Santa Claus is the variation of Saint Nicholas. "Nick-Claus" He was a real live Christian whose generosity was so great he was venerated as a saint. Legend has it that he delivered gifts to children that were "good" passing by those guilty of misbehavior. Some of the motivation to stay off "naughty list" has remained in contemporary Santa.

Canon JIM ROSENTHAL ( Founder, UK/USA St. Nicholas Society ) says...

St. Nicholas was a real person — not a fairy, not someone who's flying through the sky with reindeer, but an actual person who lived and worked and died and had a full life. He had a Christian life because he was actually a bishop, a pastor.

Jim Rosenthal visits churches to help spread the Saint Nicholas message. READ MORE »

Most Americans, Christian or not are also familiar with the costars of every Nativity scene,The Three Wise Men or Magi who arrived at Jesus birth one silent night led by a star to a Bethlehem manger.

11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Matthew 2:11 (Today's New International Version)

Somehow the biblical story of the wise men's gift giving to celebrate the birth of The Messiah and the legends of the "gift giving saint" led to our Christmas gift giving custom. Children still enjoy the magic of Christmas through decorations and gifts, but where's the lessons from the original stories. The motivation to be good year round. The reverence for Christ and the principles He brought us. Like Jim Rosenthal I worry the original messages of altruism and devotion will disappear. Believe it or not the current secular mythology of Santa Claus was introduced by a minister in the famous poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas".

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. . . .

Coca Cola forever defined the jolly fat black belted,gold buckled, red suited, white bearded Santa Claus we know today through his commercialization in their advertisements. The current American Christmas has been sabotaged by the religion of capitalism. Buying and selling has become the most important ceremony of the holiday. Our retail industry is completely dependent on the Christmas shopping season to turn a profit and get out of the red every year. ( hence Black Friday after Thanksgiving ) There's no crime in holiday shopping. I just hope that we don't lose the original stories celebrating Christianity which inspired the tradition of giving gifts. Merry Christmas!